they see demon – i see angel
You just become indifferent, and then you move on
– Taylor Swift
“You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on.”
1.
Bea Miller-
That Bitch.
“If you’re a woman, you were made to pleasure me – But out in public, hide them shoulders underneath”
2.
Victoria Monét & Ariana Grande-
Got Her Own
“He might got money, but I bet she got her own –
You know she independent when she leave here all alone”
3.
Halsey-
Nightmare
“No, I won’t smile, but I’ll show you my teeth
And I’ma let you speak if you just let me breathe
I’ve been polite, but won’t be caught dead
Lettin’ a man tell me what I should do in my bed”
4.
JoJo-
High Heels.
“Now you don’t know, what you don’t have –
Until it’s walking in some red stilettos
Talking to some handsome devils
Jealous well you should be”
5.
Dua Lipa-
Don’t Start Now
“Aren’t you the guy who tried to
Hurt me with the word “goodbye”?
Though it took some time to survive you
I’m better on the other side”
6.
Bea Miller-
S.L.U.T.
“Sweet little unforgettable thing, so incredible…”
7.
Ariana Grande-
7 Rings
“They say, “Which one?” I say, “Nah, I want all of ’em”
Happiness is the same price as red-bottoms”
8.
Zara Larsson-
Ain’t My Fault
“Baby, one, two, three
Your body’s calling me –
And I know wherever you’re at
Is exactly where I wanna be
But don’t blame me It ain’t my fault”
9.
Rihanna-
Pour It Up
“Lot more where that came from
I still got my money –
The look in yo eyes I know you want some –
I still got my money”
10.
Beyoncé-
Partition
“I don’t need you seeing ‘Yonce on her knees –
Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up
We ain’t even gonna make it to this club”
11.
Bea Miller-
motherlove
“You’re desperate and full of shit, boy, I can tell –
Don’t call me just because you have nobody else –
I’d rather lay in bed and motherlove myself”
12.
Kehlani-
Distraction
“Are you down to be a distraction, baby? –
But don’t distract me, let me ask you baby –
Do you, do you, do you do you wanna be –
A distraction, baby?”
13.
Tove Lo-
bitches
“I’m better if they blunt, I don’t really wanna hunt
So why complicate it? –
I call it respect when you givin’ what you get
So, baby, spread your legs –
I’ll do the same
Already coming”
14.
Christina Aguilera-
Express
“Fasten up
Can you imagine what would happen if I let you close enough to touch? –
Step into the fantasy –
You’ll never want to leave, baby let’s give it to you –
Why?”
15.
Hey Violet-
Guys my age
“I haven’t seen my ex since we broke up –
Probably ’cause he didn’t wanna grow up –
Now I’m out and wearing something lowcut
‘Bout to get attention from a grownup”
16.
Nicki Minaj ft. Ariana Grande-
Get on your knees
“If you want it all
It’s non negotiable
So do as I say (I say) –
If you wanna get the job, you better know who’s the boss”
17.
Cher Lloyd-
None of my business
“I wish you the best, I hope that she can fix you
You’ll be calling me the second that it hits you –
But baby, this is none of my business”
18.
Little Mix ft. Nicki Minaj-
Woman Like Me
“I broke a couple hearts that I wear on my sleeve
My momma always said, “Girl, you’re trouble”
And now I wonder, could you fall for a woman like me”
19.
Billie Eilish-
bad guy
“I guess I’m pretty glad that you’re alone
You said she’s scared of me?
I mean, I don’t see what she sees
But maybe it’s ’cause I’m wearing your cologne”
20.
Cardi B-
Money
“I heard that Cardi went pop
Yeah, I did go pop (Pop)
That’s me bustin’ they bubble”
21.
Olivia O’Brien-
F**k Feelings
“Fuck feelings, swear that shit ruined my life
All they ever do is waste my time”
22.
Demi Lovato-
Confident
“It’s time to get the chains out
Is your tongue tied up? –
‘Cause this is my ground
And I’m dangerous
And you can get out –
But it’s all about me tonight”
23.
Lana Del Rey-
This is what makes us girls
“The prettiest in-crowd that you had ever seen
Ribbons in our hair, and our eyes gleamed dream –
A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens –
And you know something? –
They were the only friends I ever had”
24.
Ariana Grande-
How I Look On You
“Was I just a transition?
Boy, remember where ya come from – We step out on a Friday night
New front page, it’s a cute headline
I made you a thing, like – “Who’s that guy?”
Say you ain’t in it for the spotlight – boy”
25.
Taylor Swift-
I did something bad
“They never see it comin’ –
What I do next
This is how the world works –
You gotta leave before you get left”
26.
Kehlani-
Good Thing
“I like my own company
Company, I don’t need it –
I’m not always cold
I’m just good on my own – so good on my own”
27.
Cardi B-
Be Careful
“You gon’ gain the whole world –
But is it worth the girl that you’re losin’? –
Be careful with me
Yeah – it’s not a threat, it’s a warnin”
28.
Ariana Grande, Normani, & Nicki Minaj-
Bad To You
“Stopped thinking like a victim
This time, I’ll throw it back
Boy, can you handle that? –
Got you trippin’ gave you no attention –
That’s when I figured out what you’re about”
29.
Victoria Monét-
Ass like that
“When you see me, just know, yeah I earned that shit
Treat my calories like weed yeah – I burnt that shit
Shout out to my trainer ’cause he crack that whip”
30.
Kesha-
Sleazy
“Sorry daddy, but I’m not that easy
I’m not gonna sit here while you circle jerk it and work it-
I’ma take it back to where my man and my girls is”
31.
Avril Lavigne-
Hot
“And I can make you say everything
That you’ve never said –
And I will let you do anything
Again and again”
32.
Rihanna-
Needed me
“Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage –
Fuck your white horse and a carriage –
Bet you never could imagine
Never told you you could have it”
33.
Tove Lo-
Cool Girl
“Sure we can chill, try and keep it platonic –
Now you can’t tell if I’m really ironic”
34.
Olivia O’Brien-
Just A Boy
“And baby, you’re disposable –
I would rather be alone –
Than have to deal with you one more time – (one more time)”
35.
Nicki Minaj-
Good Form
“I tell him eat the cookie ’cause it’s good for him –
And when he eat the cookie he got good form –
He know I don’t ever cheat because I’m good to him”
36.
Melanie Martinez-
Drama Club
“I don’t wanna be an actress, living by a script –
Who cares about practicing? I don’t give a shit
You’re over-analyzing every word I say –
There’s a whole world out there, you’re living a play
Fuck your auditorium”
37.
Selena Gomez-
Look at her now
“Of course she was sad –
But now she’s glad she dodged a bullet (Mm)
Took a few years to soak up the tears –
But look at her now, watch her go”
38.
Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj
Side to Side
“’Cause tonight I’m making deals with the devil –
And I know it’s gonna get me in trouble –
Just as long as you know you got me”
39.
Lizzo and Ariana Grande-
Good As Hell (Remix)
“ But I ain’t worried now, I’ma let my hair down
He been tryin’ it, but not today – So girl, if he don’t love you anymore –
Then walk your fine ass out the door”
40.
Kesha-
Thinking of You
“But now my song’s on the radio
And you see my face everywhere you go –
I thought I’d call just to let you know –
I’ve been thinking of you”
41.
Selena Gomez-
Same old love
“Take away your things and go –
You can’t take back what you said, I know –
I’ve heard it all before, at least a million times –
I’m not one to forget – you know”
42.
Katy Perry-
Circle the Drain
“I’m not sticking around to watch you go down –
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother
Can’t be your savior – I don’t have the power”
43.
Miley Cyrus-
Mother’s Daughter
“Don’t fuck with my freedom –
I came back to get me some –
I’m nasty, I’m evil
Must be something in the water – or that – I’m my mother’s daughter”
44.
Anne-Marie-
FRIENDS
“You can’t be reasoned with I’m done being polite –
I’ve told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times”
45.
Beyoncé-
Sorry
“I see them boppers in the corner –
They sneaking out the back door
He only want me when I’m not there-
He better call Becky with the good hair”
Some days, you look in the mirror
and you see what everyone tells you you are – you see a beautiful girl, with a beautiful face – all sharp curves and smooth edges and ocean eyes – with a beautiful body. Some days, you see this, and you realize that this – this lovely girl who lives in the mirror – is what other people see when they look at you.
It makes breathing difficult, the air sticks in your lungs, because some days – most days – this is not the girl you see. But some days, you look in the mirror, and see a girl with smoky eyes and scarlet lips and perfect hair, and you think beautiful.
Some days
most days, really – you see someone else, who is more corpse than queen.
Those are the days that you haven’t done your makeup. Those are the days that you look in the mirror and see a blank canvas – just an emptiness lurking in your eyes, and a flatness at the edges of your mouth.
Some days
you look in the mirror, and you wonder what it is that people see when they look at you and say you’re beautiful. You wonder what they’re seeing that you aren’t, because this girl who is trapped in the other side of the glass looks like a caged beast, and you can’t see anything beautiful about her. She is too fat, too gaunt, with flat, lifeless eyes, a down-turned mouth, creases lining her face.
And it it hits you, suddenly, that this caged, miserable looking girl –
it’s you.
She’s just your reflection.
It’s days like this that make you wonder where this beautiful girl that everyone claims to is. Because you’re not seeing her.
The girl you’re seeing in the mirror is bland and boring and not at all beautiful.
It’s something you struggle with. It’s hard not to find fault with the girl trapped behind the mirror.
– N.M.
“Why would you keep this from me?”
I asked without turning around, still standing in front of my closet.
Heavy footsteps behind me that soon turn into a light breath on the back of my neck, tough callused hands start to rub my bruised, tight shoulders. I stand there appreciating the pain that comes from it, and let out a small breath. The hands shift from my shoulders, to the back of my neck, to the top of the zipper that keeps me trapped in the long-sleeved black bodysuit. I feel the zipper creep down my back past my shoulder blades.
staring at him through the mirror, I think of how even such a small lie is still a betrayal to me.
And I’m angry.
I know I shouldn’t be with him, but I just can’t help it; honesty and trust are the only things that matter in this world to me and even simply keeping a secret from me hurts. I’m not sure if this actually hurts my feelings or if my ego’s just bruised.
Finally turning around, I nearly bump into him – he’s gotten significantly closer to me in a matter of moments. Looking up at him he takes his left hand and holds the side of my face with his thumb rubbing my temple, fingers tickling my lower jaw.
Even though I’m mad at him, I find myself allowing my head to rest in his calloused hand because I’m just so fucking tired, the effort that goes into holding my head up high everyday finally hits me and I realize I just want to sleep. He must have understood it, too, because he pulls me to his immense chest and wraps me into a sturdy but kind embrace while resting his head on top of mine.
“I’m sorry,”
he whispers quietly into the air above me. I’m not quite ready to forgive him, but he is one of my best friends and one of the only people I’ll allow to touch me. It never goes farther than this though: I won’t let it.
“You can’t lie to me again…. Okay?”
I say, lifting my head from his chest and shrugging away from his touch. Moving towards my bed, I pull the covers off and stare at the cold, empty bed.
A part of me really wants someone to join me in it but I just can’t seem to get the words out of my mouth…it feels like I’m choking. Breathe…. Breathe, I tell myself again and again to swallow down those words of surrender. That’s what it would be. A big fat white flag waving in the midst of a war zone, and I can’t risk that. As I start getting into bed, as soon as one hip hits the bed I hear him, with his back still to me, utter those foolish, stupid words.
“You know I love you, right?”
With one foot on the floor and one leg on the bed, I feel frozen. I’m not afraid of much but as long as I’ve known myself, I’ve been afraid of the L word.
I’ve only told two boys in my life that I loved them with every ounce of passion in my heart… and the reactions haven’t been favorable.
There’s no fairy tale ending as soon as you say I love you. It doesn’t fix anything and they won’t always say it back. Maybe they are afraid of saying it… afraid it would make it real, that they would have to now come out of hiding and prove their feelings to you and the people around you.
Or maybe they just tell you that they can’t ever love you… because they just can’t fall in love with you.
Because I have a pussy I’m a bitch.
I don’t know about you but I’m sick of men who give all other men a bad name. But I’m also sick of men who have a superior attitude when it comes to women. What gives you the idea that you have ANY right to comment on my tattoos. That tattoos make me look less attractive.
What gives you any right
To touch me when I’m drunk. To have your friend help carry me to the car because my legs won’t go stiff because I’m too drunk. What gives you the right to high five that friend once you have me in your car.
I remember
I do I don’t talk about it much because I’ve had worse happen. It wasn’t the first time I’d been taken advantage of. But it was the first time I felt shame for it.
“Oh I wouldn’t say anything, *****’s sister has been talkin to him. She might get mad if she found out you slept with him”
Slept with him.
I didn’t fucking sleep with him that night. That night I didn’t sleep at all. And I didn’t sleep for a week. Because I lost my friends over something that shouldn’t have been my fault.
But because I have a pussy I’m a bitch.
And no one likes a bitch.
People like you are the worst.
Old people who are mean to people who work in food services. If you were in a rush you shouldn’t have gotten coffee at the busiest dunkin. Go down the street it’s Mass there’s one on ever corner. So no I meant it when I looked you in the eyes and called ya a bitch.
All my life I’ve been told
“be happy you have big boobs guys love that”
“well at least you have big tits”
And that’s what I’ve been telling my self this whole time… I have big boobs so means I will get man. What it ends up getting me is meaningless one night stands and the label of being easy.
I wish when I was younger people told me
“you have a great smile, guys love that”
or
“your so lucky you can make anyone laugh”.
Maybe growing up in my teenage years I wouldn’t have let any guy who looked at me with a stare of lust touch me. Maybe I’d have respect for myself. Maybe I’d have the right guy already.
But no.
No one told me those things when I was younger….. So now that’s all I know and i’m trying to change, but It’s just so hard when all you want is to be wanted.
I would just like to say
fuck you to everyone who made me feel inadequate growing up and ruining my self esteem for years. You all suck and I’m glad I don’t talk to any of you any more.
I‘m not truly sure of the theme of my blog
but I will be posting a lot. For me. Things I want to share or need to share. Things that make me happy and the deeper shit I deal with. This will be a very personal space for myself and I want to share it with anyone who will listen.
So thank you.
A lot of people either hate Effy
or just romanticize the hell out of her, but like. The thing about her is that she never had to face real emotion until Tony’s accident. She could hide away in her silent, mysterious facade and party away anything that was stuck under the surface. The accident forced her to open up for her brother’s sake. She tried to double back and hide everything away again in her usual games once he left for college and didn’t need her anymore, hence the general shenanigans and Cook. But then Freddie forced her to feel something again and she completely lost it. Once he’s gone, she completely shuts back up again in order to try and maintain a regular life and joins in on the adult games this time, and that’s why she completely avoids Naomi and her situation until it’s too late.
Effy isn’t heartless. She’s too observant for her own good and feels emotions stronger than anybody and has no idea how to deal with that. So she just doesn’t. She kills it with whatever she can. Even if that means destructive impulses. Even if that means forgetting. Because as much as she loves to lose control, she’s terrified of losing emotional control.
In The Land Of Gods And Monsters